Funny Construction Humor

Six Phases of a Construction Project:

1) Enthusiasm

2) Disillusionment

3) Panic

4) Search For The Guilty

5) Punishment Of The Innocent

6) Praise & Honors For The Non-Participants

Directory of Construction Terminology:

Contractor – A gambler that never gets to cut, shuffle or deal.

Bid Opening – A poker game where the losing hand wins.

Bid – A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

Low Bidder – A contractor who is wondering why he’s left out.

Engineer’s Estimate – The cost of construction in heaven.

Project Manager – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method – A management technique for losing your shirt under personal control.

OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, and
baloney – usually applied at random with a shotgun.

Strike – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment – A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date – The point where liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Auditor – A person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.

Lawyer – A person who goes in after the auditors and strips the bodies.